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Marriage Counselling

Are You Secretly Miserably Married? How Marriage Counselling Can Help

Western culture would have us “swallow” the idea that marriage is meant to last forever, as in “they lived happily ever after”. As Robert Resnick (a prominent couples counsellor in the USA) stated – in the 1800’s that’s an easy commitment to make as the average marriage only lasted for 7 years!

Today our lifespan is much, much longer and the commitment is for a considerably longer time frame. The goal we all are told to strive for is to stay married. If you are still married then – success! The result of this mindset is that a lot of people are what Robert Resnick terms the secretly miserably married. These are the many people who are sticking marriage out for a variety of reasons including, financial, the sake of the children, because they don’t want to fail. NOT because their relationship is nourishing.

The myth of marriage is that “two people become one”. The problem is that with this concept of marriage there is no room for difference. This is a problem when it comes to the basic human dilemma.

The Basic Human Dilemma

We all are led to believe that in society we need an ongoing connection with a significant other to give our lives meaning. However, in reality each of us from birth is dealing with the basic human dilemma. This dilemma is the need to constantly balance connection with the other while at the same time maintaining a sense of self.

How do we solve this dilemma in relationship with others? Or with the help  of marriage counselling?

If you break down the word relationship you will see that:

Re: Again

Lation: Connect

Ship: The ability to

So a relationship is the ability to connect – withdraw – connect again. This connection is not a continuous process. In a relationship, you can come and go from an intimate connection. In fact, in the relationship, the place where you meet each other is “at the point of difference”. That is, “I am me and you are you. We meet each other in the middle”. You explore how you are the same and how you are different. You can learn ways to negotiate with your partner in a way that doesn’t cause them pain.

What Is The Goal Of Marriage?

Robert Resnick suggests a more realistic goal for marriage. He suggests that the goal should be to work towards relationships that are mutually nourishing, where both people show up authentically and are able to negotiate to get their needs, wants and desires met. Robert Resnick touts that when both sides of the couple can communicate what they want and desire it is then possible to determine whether they are compatible with each other.

How Marriage Counselling Assist?

Marriage Counselling psychologists in Canning Vale and the CBD can assist you to work through issues and encourage connection in consideration of the wants, needs and desires of each individual party. To support an environment of authentic communication and help the couple explore the possibility of having a mutually nourishing relationship.

Our marriage counsellors are also happy to work with those couples who want something different in their relationship but have not yet said: “I do”. We also have experience relationship counselling same-sex couples. Often same-sex couples are as bound by the myth of marriage as heterosexual couples. You may be secretly miserably partnered!

Contact us on 1300 208 680 to find ways to improve your circumstances and learn strategies designed to improve your marriage.

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LOCATIONS: First Floor, Suite 20, 80 Barrack Street Perth | Unit 4/2 Prindiville Drive Wangara | 114 Illawara Crescent Ballajura
E: info@wellbeingtherapyspace.com.au

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